Tag Archives: airlines

December 08

The Night the Lights went out in San Francisco

Rain is pelting the roof of our motel room; it’s raining so furiously it feels like rocks are hitting my head. Five of us are sharing a dank room at the Red Roof Inn San Francisco Airport. Four of us of us sleep in each double bed, two to a bed, and I’m the sorry […]

June 25

Flight Attendants, Prepare for Hazing

  Flight attendant new hire training is a form of hazing. (Haze [haz]: to haze: verb: To harass with unnecessary or disagreeable tasks.) The need to haze flight attendant trainees is understandable. It would be foolish to take a group of people who looked forward to an easy, glamorous job and not prepare them for […]

April 27

Playing With Yourself and Other Ways to Endure a Flight

You wake up at SeaTac, SFO, LAX. You wake up at O’Hare, Dallas-Fort Worth, BWI. Pacific, mountain, central. Lose an hour, gain an hour. This is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time. –Chuck Palahuniuk, Fight Club. I always identified with this sentiment, because even though travel was my livelihood, it made […]

November 09

How to Lose a Pilot in 10 Days.

I am sitting on the passenger’s side of my car, crying because the song , “Drops of Jupiter” by Train just came on the radio. It’s the corniest song ever written, but it’s making me cry because it idealizes what I thought I wanted: a meaningful relationship. Fuck meaningful relationships. I had been searching for […]

September 08

How I Became a Doormat.

The drill sergeants (flight attendant instructors) at Barbie Boot Camp (the Un-American Airlines Training Center) instill into their new-hire flight attendant trainees that the customer is always right. Even if a customer doesn’t happen to be right, pissing off any passenger while on six-month probation as a new-hire, will result in immediate termination. “I don’t […]

August 30

How Alcohol Saved My Life

Wholesome, rosebud-lipped 22-year olds are sniffling and wiping tears off their cheeks. Our flight attendant training class has just received our base assignments—where we will start out our “exciting new careers!” Most of the Southern belles are being sent to New York. Many of the innocent Midwestern girls will live in Miami. No one is […]

August 12

Anal Candy and the Meaning of Life

I wrote this three months ago, right before I retired from being a sky goddess. Yesterday was the last time I will ever sit in first class. Boo-fucking-hoo, you’re thinking. I’m retiring from my job as a flight attendant after 18 years. I’d taken a “last fling” trip with my gay husband Tim (we have been […]